as i was watching the MADD presintation this kinda came in my head
I have had three beers,
and i ll have one more
i ll grab my keys
and i am out the door.
Before i know where i am
the car starts spinning
my life coming to an end
Blood drips from my head now
looks like my life is counting down
i hear sirens from down the street
i can no longer feel my heart beat
They place a sheet over my head
"Another young kid drinking and driving " an officer said
i let my drinking take control
only if i would have said no
maybe then i'd still be alive
maybe then i could stop my parents cry
i had three beers, and i had one more
i lost my life after i walked out that door.
Flows very well. A little dark, but good. I like the on and off rhyming scheme.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Steve, it flows really well and the pacing's great. The emotion's really strong, too; all the more so because you didn't dwell on it, but let the reader fill it in on their own. Dark but strong, I like it!
ReplyDeleteThe hard truth wrapped in a poem. Loved it.
ReplyDelete